This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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