DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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