Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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