Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
This is the high leading the old right now
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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