I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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