yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
