things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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