Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
