Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
