Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
