"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My pussy is not your playground.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I party with great urgency now.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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