Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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