i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
50% drunk capacity currently
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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