Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
