Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize