i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
