I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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