Umm I'm too high to move.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
