Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize