i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
