when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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