She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize