you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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