It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
