we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
