do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
