nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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