i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
