all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
