3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
