Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
