Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
