Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
