I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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