he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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