im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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