peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
