Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
