they need to just BURY HIM!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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