Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
