i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
