HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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