I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
