Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
