I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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