i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think a kid would responsible me up
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
