I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
is wine microwaveable?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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