Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
