Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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