Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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