I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
