Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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