You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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