I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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