you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize