I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize