i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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