DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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