glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
