I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
