i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
