I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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