dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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