put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
All the doctor said was why
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
