i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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