yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize