Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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